Siblings: A Lifelong Gift
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Sibling relationships matter, in fact they are one of the most influential aspects of our lives.
Fostering those relationships is daily business, woven in and through the moments of our days.
As I pondered how my adult children look at one another, how they intentionally spend time together, recollections of days—our moments together, good and hard—flipped through my mind. I remembered teasing, but I also treasured the view I enjoyed of intense collaboration on a mutual project. And, there were tears. Overshadowing the tears, I smiled with a warm mama heart at baseball dugout high fives.
The collage of snapshots kept filling my mind.
From my current place, the watching on of a mom looking back, I am thankful for the moments—hard and good—intentionality won. There wasn’t a win in every situation, but enough, and they made the difference.
“Open expression of my delight in a child is heard by his or her siblings. The statement of affirmation resonates and situates in the heart. Open expression of delight offers an invitation to see a sibling in a different light, a more positive perspective. Purposeful sharing of genuine gratitude and pleasure—about every sibling, at one time or another—settle and linger, remembered, pondered, and valued. ”
I learned long ago (through bumps and trials), I can’t make siblings want to be together. I can’t force them to play a game, nicely side-by-side (that brings grudge) or make them share a toy (that brings animosity). But, I can plant seeds of invitation, words and actions which make being together a wanted, valued gift—and in many situations, a sacrifice of some kind. When sacrifice is chosen, warm heart “that was hard, but I’m glad I made the choice” remains.
What makes an open expression of delight an invitation? Positive comments. Affirming statements. Stories.
“As a mom, I am a conduit of delight, a messenger of an invitation—a lifelong reminder to see the interests and giftings and goodness in a sibling. This is a place worthy of my time and energy. ”
I remember making the statement, “I love the way shared your sandwich. You are so thoughtful of your brother.” It was attention brought to generosity. Both listeners benefited—one receiving acknowledgement for the action, the other offered the treat of recognizing his brother’s care. Each smiled and took in the moment.
Laundry spread on the couch; seeing it deflated my confidence. I sat down and began folding. Soon after, a helper made himself known. We sat, folding, talking. When we had conquered the pile, I shared, “I know you went out of your way to help Mom finish the folding. Thank you!” I was truly grateful for the help and the conversation. In the moment of shared gratitude, there was a sense of value and acknowledgement of contribution. Brother’s siblings heard and were partakers in the gratitude—shared gratitude, contribution, value.
These are the invitations dropped in their days—invitations to be grateful, to contribute, and to bring value, to be in the presence of those we love and have the ability to love.
I am a messenger. You are a messenger. Conduits. Notice how a sibling helps another, how they smile at another. Acknowledge. Affirm. Foster. These are the offerings worth our time as we nurture hearts—sibling relationships, a forever gift.
