Helping Middle Schoolers Move Toward College and Career

At a recent outing, I fielded a common--and becoming more common--question.

"How can I get my middle schooler college-ready?"

I heard the immediacy in the mom's voice.  I also heard the fear. Fear of failure, of not doing enough. This mom was looking for the one right answer, the right formula. I wanted, with all my heart, to give her a solid, tried and true answer. But, I couldn't.

As a mom of past middlers, a mentor of parents who've trod this path and a wife of a twenty-seven year veteran middle school teacher, I could only offer this mom insight to potential considerations; insights from our experiences and the experience of other parents we knew. And, perhaps those insights could set her on the next right step for HER child. 

College was still five years away.

I reminded her changes would take place. Physical development and brain maturation would continue. I told her to seek insight but be wise, discerning, to ponder possibilities, not taking the first opinions or ideas tossed her way. 

I encouraged her to embrace the current season, less she miss it worrying about tomorrows. 

I affirmed middle school is indeed about content and skills, but it is even more about the relationship between parent and young adult, the middle schooler's interests and what captures the middle schoolers heart.

Walking alongside the ingenious, changing person, being present and willing to process ideas and aspiration, helping her middle schooler discover gifts, strengths and areas of growth would impact who her middle schooler would become. 

• Reflecting upon the young adult's interests. What are the current interests? How does he or she spend free time? What activities does the young adult find fulfilling? In our experience, these interests helped determine course selection and extra-curricular choices as high school approached and then became reality.

• Anticipating interests which might still be hidden, yet to be discovered. What does the middle schooler wish to try or experience in the next few years? Mike and I came to realize early in our middle school parenting experience that the lesser known interests were just as important as the obvious talents and strengths. In fact, several of our then middlers found the lesser known to be more influential in planning their next steps toward high school.

• Considering how the middle schooler learns best. Does learning happen best outdoors? Is there greater retention in independent study or experiential opportunities? Our middle schoolers have ALL learned differently. Every. Single. One. One needed quiet. Another needed hands-on experiences. Yet another needed creative outlets. How middlers learn best matters.

• Learning study preferences. These are different than learning preferences. These are things like note taking, skimming and scanning, and study skills. Would 3 x 5 cards with vocabulary words penned opposite side definition work better than an online auditory drill game? Or would the oral input be more beneficial? Is a word web better than outlining because a visual image is saved by the brain? What about taking notes in color? Study preferences become key components of learning when higher learning becomes focused or must be time efficient.

• Focusing on the development of soft skills. We have found soft skills were more difficult to acquire and internalize than learning Algebra formulas, but were increasingly more important to our young adults in high school and post-secondary education. Is the student working to be more independent, more able to solve problems independently but also proficient in working with other people in collaborative projects? Was the young adult able to self-govern emotions, choices and attitudes? Parents can only control choices, attitudes and time management for a time. We found our young adults, as well as the young adults we work with, must be academically ready for college but even more importantly, be ready emotionally and spiritually.

• Processing tough questions. Middle schoolers face challenges. Hormones. Friends. Disappointment. Middle schoolers need both encouragement and grace to navigate those challenges, as well as plenty of opportunities to make mistakes and regroup. Mike and I have found it essential to be available to field questions and process possible scenarios. This processing was key to moral and social development of our children.

As my time with my friend came to an end, I knew there was much more that could be said on the subject, and likely ideas I hadn't considered or experienced. I reminded the mom there would be as many opinions as there were options.  

I knew she could find the answers she needed today as well as for the questions of the many tomorrows yet to come, however multi-faceted they might be.

And, with a hug, I told her she was the best mom to find the answers for her middle schooler and that she would find answers by wisely seeking and pondering; though the process may not be easy or comfortable. 

She knew college was on the horizon, but the answers were in the questions of her todays.

Living Books in High School

When we started our homeschooling high school journey in 2003, I was determined not to leave the learning power of Living Books behind in the elementary and middle school years. 

Living Books belong in high school!

While preparing a workshop I will present at the 2017 FPEA Convention, May 25-27, I decided to give Celebrate Simple readers some quick ideas we used as we incorporated Living Books into high school course content. Our high school learners were greatly impacted by the Living Books they chose. In fact, several titles greatly impacted career choices and life goals.

When we began our high school journey, the first content area in which we incorporated Living Books was history. This seemed a natural choice since we had been using Living Books--biographies, autobiographies, and historical fiction--to accent our history studies in the elementary and middle school years. 

Adding Living Books to our science studies was also a natural fit, especially for learners who had interest in specialty areas or who wanted to dig deeper to learn more about scientists and inventors. As our young adults advanced through the high school years, we branched out into adult and college level materials. 

Reaching our creatives with written materials was a challenge at times, unless the reading was related their artistic gifting or interest. If you find yourself in that quandary, know that you are not alone and that your efforts are worth the time spent trying to find them great, applicable reads.

And, I had to let go of my more rigid definition of what a Living Book was in order to be open to the plethora of possibilities I would  have otherwise discounted.

The power of the story--not my definition of Living Book--impacted the life of the reader. 

What about an athlete who loves to read? How can Living Books be interwoven in a personal fitness or weight training course? And, what about an athlete who would rather play ball than read?

Living Books have the power to pull in even the most reluctant reader! 

Living Books can give life to any subject, if we allow them the opportunity to do so. Recently, one daughter began to lean toward personal growth and leadership materials, while another continued on her pursuit of all things medical. Why not include Living Books in that area, too!

If you are in Orlando over Memorial Day weekend, I would love for you to join me in my workshop, Keeping High School Alive with Living Books, at the FPEA Convention. This workshop will offer insight as to how Living Books bring high school studies to life and influence choices learners make beyond the tassel turning. The workshop will be packed with specific ideas in regards course content, book titles, and life-learning experiences. Hope to see you there! 

Helping Learners Foster Strengths and Interests

"Mom! I want to go with you!"

A trip to the electronics store. I was hoping to go alone. You know, time to enjoy quiet; time to think without questions. After all, it is ONLY the electronics store. 

My mind rattled through all the pros and cons.

• They grow up fast.
• I need a few quiet moments.
• It was a chance to spend individual time.
• I should seize the moment!

"Yes, you can go."

She put on her shoes. We got in the car and talked all the way to the store. We parked and shopped. Paid. My daughter carried the box, proudly, spring in her step--a wide smile beaming across her face. She insisted on holding our purchase all the way home.

She was energized.

After ten minutes of silence, she asked.

"How could I work at that store?"

Followed immediately by, 

"I just love it there! All the electronics, the gadgets, the cables."

How do we help foster strengths and interests in our children (especially when it is not what we had in mind)?

• Be open. When my daughter announced she wanted to work at an electronics store, my immediate thought was not impressive. I wouldn't have won Mommy Points. Why would you want to work in an electronics store? Stellar, I know. Thankfully, having been in this place before with other children, I learned from mistakes; held my initial thought. Counting to five helped.
• Avoid a defensive/reactive posture. By waiting, even just a few seconds, I was able to offer an open, positive response. And, being in the car I didn't have to worry about impatiently shifting my weight or a tapping toe, thankfully. I have spoken those unintended messages before.
• Ask a question. Asking a question keeps conversation and relationship open. This is another hard lesson I've learned. I'm a global-thinking fixer. I see conclusions (sometimes wrong conclusions) and big pictures before the speaker, so waiting for a response or waiting to hear the whole story takes discipline.

"You asked a great question. What skills do you think you would need to work there?"

• Wait for a response. If the child is processing thoughts, a response may take a few minutes. And likely, he or she hasn't encountered the scenario at hand in the past. When I keep active and engaged while offering patience, the conversation with my child stays alive. When my mind wonders or I feel something else tugging for my attention (and there are many of those!), my daughter knows. 

"I would need to learn about computers, cameras and equipment."

• Affirm and ask another question. Affirmation keeps the conversation moving forward and also allows children to internalize that their thoughts are worth processing. Remember, the reason the conversation started was to answer a pending question or entertain an important thought. A piece of affirmation and a follow-up question provides motivation toward considering perspectives and ideas which might not be clear, YET!

"Indeed you would need to know about those things. How could you learn more about electronics?"

• Don't fret. In the process of thinking things out--engaging in dialogue--it is helpful to remember that just because it is said doesn't mean it will happen. Children and young adults (and I would venture to suggest even adults) express ideas which will never come to fruition. This is part of processing thoughts. In other words, if a child or young adult mentions a possibility for employment or the intention of attending an event, it is an opportunity to learn conversation skills and decision making--another opportunity to share and consider. When I short circuit the process of my child or young adult's thought process prematurely, progress halts. I've had to remind myself that my children need opportunities like these to develop soft skills: problem solving, conversational etiquette, consideration of other people, adaptability, time management, and emotional intelligence. If I cut them off, define all the problems and solutions, discourage conversation, I place my children and young adults at a great disservice. Decision making, Interpersonal skills, work ethic, and research skills must be practiced and experienced before my young adults forge out on their own. 
• Welcome the unexpected. It may be a passing thought. It might never happen. However, when I welcome and am open to the thoughts of my children, there is a greater chance they will come to me when really big things come to the forefront of their mind. Today's thought about working at an electronics store may be tomorrow's thought of whether an entire savings should be used to buy a car. As a parent I've had to keep my hands open. A desire to work in an electronics store isn't the end of the world. In fact, it could be the catalyst needed to deepen a relationship or it could be the gateway to a lucrative career (or a stepping stone to fixing Mom's technology).
• Brainstorm. What began as a question ended with a wide-open slate of possibilities. Together my daughter and I discovered several ways she could learn more about electronics. As we talked, she became more engaged, more excited, asking if she had to wait until middle and high school to start. Of course not, learning can start immediately! Perhaps there is something you can do or offer today to fuel the excitement in your leaner. 
• Open to possibilities. As a homeschooled student, my daughter can learn from an array of environments: online tutorials, online certifications, shadowing, volunteering, mentors. And, she has time to do so! JOY! What possibilities wait for your leaner? 
• How can I help? I am a busy mom with full days. Believe me, it is not easy for me to ask for more to do. However, when my children face a new endeavor or potential change, they usually embrace the chance to have someone walk along side them, cheer them on. I WANT to be that cheerleader. In my twenty-seven years of parenting, I've learned if I don't get excited--walk alongside, ask how I can help--my children will find someone who or some place which will provide for this need. Companionship is something we all need, children, young adults, and adults. 
• What's the next step? The next step may not be obvious or easy. Even for me as an adult, I'm often not clear about what my next steps might be. It's silly for me to think my children will know, every time, what their next right steps will be. Helping to identify a next steps and then encouragement to follow through offers another opportunity to affirm and build relationships as well as soft skills and life experiences. 

What strengths or interests are your children or young adults asking you to foster? 

Those strengths and interests may begin with a question and end with answers. Or, those strengths and interests may begin with a request to tag-along and end with an opportunity to walk alongside. And even still, those strengths and interests may start with you--the parent--pointing out an area you see your child could excel, something of which he or she may not even be aware.

Potential is ripe, right where you are--your child and you--together. 

Oh, I forgot to mention. 

Within twenty-four hours, my daughter had spent a good bit of time watching online tutorials and how-to videos about building computers, extracting parts, wiring circuits and more. And her interest began with a tag-along opportunity, some engaging conversation, and insight into next steps. 

I wonder what she will do tomorrow? 

I wonder what your learners might discover TODAY!

This blog post is intended to offer an example of personal experience. It is in no way intended to be legal advice and should not be taken as such. Parents own the sole responsibility for the training and education of their children.